Just found this situation on Quora Digest and had to post it here. I am so outraged at parents who call the cops on their own minor children. Obviously, if they have committed some heinous crime, that would be warranted, but so many parents call the cops on their children for minor issues and it destroys their children’s lives. As Julia (who answered this question) says, if your child is in this position, it is probably due to your own bad parenting, but THE CHILD NEEDS HELP NOT INCARCERATION! Better discipline and guidance of the child, including long discussions about values, about what you expect of your child, and the success he could reach in his life and what he needs to do to achieve it, keeps him out of this situation in the first place. Imagine the sense of betrayal the child must feel after the one person who should protect them, their parent, has thrown them into the heartless and brutal jaws of the system when they are still basically children. That is on top of the PTSD they must experience from the incarceration itself. Once they have been cast into the system, it is incredibly difficult for them to get out again. The child is then handicapped for life. What are we doing to our children and young people?

Question: I found marijuana in my son’s room. I’m furious to say the least. He is currently on probation. Should I turn him in?

Julia Huskey

Answer by: Julia Huskey, studied School of Hard Knocks & Human Behavior at Philosophy of Everyday LifeUpdated Sep 25

NO! YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT TURN YOUR OWN SON IN FOR MARIJUANA POSSESSION!!! I mean are you that unaware of what happens when people are incarcerated? Allow me to enlighten you.

When people are incarcerated for drug possession they are subjected to all sorts of abuse from other inmates that are gang members, rapists, murderers, etc. They’re preyed upon by real criminals and when they do finally come out they’re never quite the same, and I don’t mean for the better. It’s never a good idea to put somebody in the criminal justice system unless they’re violent offenders.

Why is your son struggling? Does it have something to do with how he was raised? Perhaps you all need therapy. He definitely needs some kind of support and perhaps you do too. Shelve the anger and start looking for lasting solutions. If he’s still a minor he clearly needs to learn some life skills and I promise you incarceration won’t give him anything but CPTSD and a well steeped understanding of criminal behavior. He’s gonna need it because most people aren’t keen on hiring people with a record.

I speak from experience, just so you know. I had a family member who struggled with drug addiction and was put in jail because he was caught buying drugs. He was a young adult when he was incarcerated. When he finally got out, he went back home to his parents house, refused to speak to anyone, and immediately got into the shower, where he stayed for about 12 hours.

Because he couldn’t shake his addiction and eventually started using crystal meth again, he knew he was going to test dirty the next time he had to see his PO. That meant he would go back to jail, where clearly terrible things had already happened to him. He went out the night before he was going to see his parole officer, and was found the next day, dead in a ditch with a plastic bag tied over his head.

He killed himself because he couldn’t get clean and couldn’t go back to jail. The real kicker was there were trace amounts of meth in his body. He didn’t even get high before he put that bag over his own head and suffocated himself to death all alone in a fucking irrigation ditch. So you see, you even suggesting such a thing seems utterly abhorrent to me. It could have the most terrible consequences that you could ever imagine.

People that are dealing with addiction need treatment not incarceration period.

. Don’t be that person that destroys a persons life over complete bullshit. If you think he needs help, find him some. You’re his parent and that’s your purpose in life. The fact that you would even consider doing something like that leads me to believe you don’t have a very good relationship with your child and perhaps that’s the reason why he’s acting out. He has a hole in his heart that was supposed to be filled by a loving and caring parent. Since that isn’t available, he’s trying to fill it by getting high. It’s a way to cope with the pain he’s experiencing. You’re the parent, he’s the child, and it’s your job to make things right between you. Put a sincere effort into working on that. See if that doesn’t change things for the better. I’m betting it will.119.3k views · View Upvoters · View Sharers

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